Mr and Mrs
by Igorina
Summary: It's said that where there's a will there's a way. Trouble is that this is about more than just the will. Hondo/Aurra.


**Disclaimer:** The Star Wars universe belongs to George Lucas, I own none of the characters or settings to be found herein. No profit is being made from this work of fanfiction.

**A/N:** I got a request for a 'serious Hondo/Aurra wedding fic'. Now, put the words 'Hondo/Aurra' and 'wedding' in the same prompt and total seriousness is just not a place that I can go to. However, I did my best and took a shot at a tragi-comic tale of co-dependent dysfunctionality.

**-o0O0o-**

As his eyes ran over the flowers, the décor, the wine casks and the expansive buffet one thought resounded through Obi-Wan Kenobi's mind.

"Hondo, why in the name of the Force are you doing this?"

"I already told you. With all the temples, shrines and monasteries we've raided, there's not a cleric or holy man in the sector who'd agree to officiate. You were the next best thing... But don't worry, my friend, I've made it quite clear to Aurra that we're not going to end the ceremony with any sort of ritual Jedi slaying."

"What I mean is why do you want to marry _Her_?"

For a moment the pirate hesitated, the words seeming to catch him off guard. Then he gave a rather too wide grin and clapped his captive on the back.

"For the money, Kenobi. My great-uncle's last testament was very clear." He took a sleek and decidedly official looking datapad from somewhere within his coat and proffered it.

Obi-Wan scanned the contents.

"Two-hundred thousand credits in the event of your marriage to 'a healthy female being who isn't a common harlot'. One-hundred thousand credits in the event of your marriage to 'any other sort of being'. Seven-hundred thousand credits on the birth of you first legitimate child—"

"Don't mention that one to Aurra," Hondo interrupted. "She wouldn't take well to the idea."

"I thought you said that credits weren't any use out here in the Outer Rim?"

"Wellll, they're not, per se, but we can exchange them for Spice with one of the Coruscanti traders on Nar Shaddaa."

"I seem to recall hearing that your despicable raid on that off-course pleasure cruiser netted gold, gems, spice and hostages worth in excess of three-million credits? I would have thought that two-hundred thousand was a rather poxy amount in comparison. Certainly no reason to go to all this trouble."

"Ah yes, but when it comes to pirating I have to share the booty with the rest of the gang. The rest of the gang don't have to marry Aurra, so we only have to split the wealth two ways."

"So you'll only have one-hundred thousand credits... and if I'm not mistaken _she'll_be entitled to half of everything you own."

Hondo visibly gulped, before trying to cover up the reaction with an uncharacteristically shaky laugh. "Yes, but I'll be entitled to half of everything she owns too."

"If you ever managed to find out where she's stockpiled it." The Jedi shook his head. "You have to face facts Hondo, this marriage doesn't make any financial sense."

The pirate opened his mouth as if to start protesting and then sighed. "It's my mother."

"Oh?"

"Before she died she made me swear that I'd be decently married by the end of this year."

"But surely you don't _have_to do it."

"I promised."

"You're a pirate."

"She was my _mother_."

The vehemence in Hondo's voice was enough to make the Jedi cease this line of argument. It was clear that there were some warped and twisted points of honour the pirate would not be moved from. He sought a different tact.

"Why Aurra?"

"Why not?"

"Surely there are less dangerous women out there?"

For a while Hondo said nothing. Obi-Wan started to suspect that his query wouldn't be graced by a reply. Then the Weequay gave another sigh and shrugged helplessly.

"If I married someone else, I wouldn't be her favourite pirate anymore."

**-o0O0o-**

It was often said that all brides looked beautiful on their wedding day.

Having once witnessed the matrimonial joining of two Gran sneak thieves, Cad Bane was firmly of the mind that this sentiment was a crock of Bantha excrement. However, he had to admit that Aurra was carrying off the dress quite well, even if the blasters and holsters were totally incongruous with the rest of the aesthetic.

"How do I look?"

"Like one of dem fairy story ice-maidens." He smirked. "Not dat maiden's an accurate description in dis context."

She narrowed her eyes but did not attempt to blaster whip him in her usual fashion. This, he knew, had more to do with the sanctity of the silk rather than any forgiveness of his transgressions.

"Still don't know why you're doin' dis." He said, as she adjusted her tiara.

"I'm doing it for the money."

"Sure, sure." He snorted. "You ain't a whore, Sing. If you were you wouldn't have turned down de offer dat Falleen on Gold Moon Station made. Coulda earned more on your back in twenty minutes than we got for de entire Dantooine job."

"It's not whoring if you marry the person."

"Same underlyin' principle."

She muttered something highly uncomplimentary about Duros masculinity.

He chuckled. "So what is it den. He knocked choo up or something?"

For a second he thought she was about to draw a blaster and start making him dance. Then her fists clenched and her mouth was drawn into an expression that was frighteningly close to a pout.

"He said that if I wouldn't do it he'd find somebody else who would."


End file.
